So I’ve been working hard the past couple days to create a sequel to my trailer remixes list, this one focusing on trailer mashups.

Unfortunately it’s gonna take me a few more days to complete it, but in the meantime, I wanted to bring you this mashup that I came across during my research. It’s not a trailer, so I couldn’t include it on my list, but it’s too good not to post.

Basically, it’s footage from the Cartoon Network’s Justice League spliced with the dialogue of the “How I Know You’re Gay” scene from The 40 Year Old Virgin.

It’s literally one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.

The best part is that it’s the dialogue from the full improvised scene between Paul Rudd and Seth Rogan, which was only included on the DVD and not in the movie, so most people haven’t heard it. And then to hear it coming out of Batman and Superman’s mouths is simply priceless.

You know it’s a sorry weekend when the most appealing film that’s opening up stars Jamie Kennedy. I can’t quite figure out why a more exciting film didn’t change dates to take advantage of the weak competition. Oh well. Fortunately, I have the Tribeca Film Festival to keep me entertained this weekend, so it’s no big deal. But I feel bad for all you non-New Yorkers.

The Condemned: As Ryan just pointed out in the previous post, this film is basically just one giant brawl to the death. It’s like the Royal Rumble for sociopaths. My feeling on this movie is that the only reason it got made is because it was so ridiculously over the top that it’s almost too obvious to criticize it. Which is actually kind of genius. Ryan said that he would rent it, but I’m definitely going to SKIP IT.

The Invisible: A dead High School student needs to solve his own murder…sounds like Ghost meets CSI. In my opinion, the only interesting thing about an invisible High School student would be watching him sneak into the girl’s locker room and play practical jokes on the High School bully. However, since this movie clearly has no interest in attacking it from that angle, I’m going to have to SKIP IT.

Kickin’ It Old Skool: I wrote a post a few weeks back about how the trailer for this movie was surprisingly effective in making me actually want to see a Jamie Kennedy movie. I still wish that someone else was in the lead role (Rob Schneider seems like the obvious choice), but I’m at least going to RENT IT, mainly because it allows me to relive my breakdancing-filled youth.

Next: My thoughts exactly. I really do like Nicolas Cage, but I can only be expected to watch the exact same movie so many times. Since Next looks exactly the same as The Rock and Gone in 60 Seconds and National Treasure, I’m afraid I’m going to have to SKIP IT. Next is about a guy who sees the future, and my own premonition is that this movie is going to be a carbon copy of all his past movies.

Sorry to be such a downer this weekend, but there really just isn’t all that much to be excited about.

Then again, Julie just told me that Keri Russell, Cheryl Hines and Jeremy Sisto will be at Madison Square Park on Sunday, turning the Shake Shack into “Lulu’s Pies” to celebrate the premiere of Waitress. (details can be found here)

So it’s not all bad news this weekend. At least we get to eat some pie.

Dearest friends, today I’m hijacking “TrailerSpy” and dubbing it “PosterSpy.” (Click on the images to enlarge them.)

Let’s start with The Condemned. This is one of those ubiquitous subway ads that I’ve seen 5,000 times by now. It’s the most ridiculous movie ad ever. Basically, there are a bunch of sweaty, bruised muscle men standing around beating the crap out of each other as a tagline below states ” 10 people will fight. 9 people will die. You get to watch.” Then, off to the sides there are two women standing around just looking mean. It’s like the marketing team said at the last minute “wait, we don’t want to leave the rough and tough girls out! Toss in a couple of hoochies with attitude QUICK!” And bam, you have a poster ladies and gentlemen! At least we know what the film will be about. Based off of the poster, I’d say RENT IT.

Next up is Fracture. These bad boys have close-ups of Anthony Hopkins and Ryan Gosling looking straight on as shadows cover their faces and a tagline below reads, “If you look close enough, you’ll find everyone has a weak spot”. Whaaaatever… My favorite thing about these ads is everywhere I go someone has blacked out the “a” and “s” in the tagline so that it says, “If you look close enough, you’ll find everyone has weak pot.” Call me immature, but that makes me laugh every damn time I see it! Fracture didn’t do too well at the box office, but I want to SEE IT.

Last but not least, we can’t forget about the Spider-Man 3 ads. There are five million different versions of these, so I’m not going to go into detail about any of them, but whichever one you catch chances are there’s a picture of Spider-Man’s eye, or a web, or Kirsten Dunst’s face looking as vacant as ever. That’s right, it’s some pretty boring stuff. I know I said Spider-Man 3 was a SEE IT based off of its trailer earlier this month, but if I were to judge it solely by its poster campaign and I had never seen either of the first two, I’d definitely say SKIP IT.

The Condemned is rated R and opens on Friday, April 27th.
Fracture is rated R and opened on Friday, April 20th.
Spider-Man 3 is not yet rated and opens on Friday, May 4th.

When I was a kid, my brother and I had two favorite cassette tapes that we listened to over and over again. One was an Ice-T album, which we loved because it was the filthiest shit our young ears had ever heard before, and the other was the Bill Cosby routine where he imagines how Noah probably reacted when God told him to build the Ark.

I recently listened to that old routine again (you can check it out here if you’re interested), and it’s still pretty damn funny. And the reason it’s still funny is because it’s still hilarious to think about how a normal guy would have reacted to some voice in the sky telling him to build a giant boat in preparation for an upcoming flood (personally, I would have checked myself into the nearest mental institution).

This brings me to Evan Almighty.

When I first heard that they were making a sequel to Bruce Almighty, I was pretty excited. Bruce Almighty was surprisingly entertaining, and replacing Jim Carrey with Steve Carell is a brilliant idea. But then, when I saw the trailer and realized that the story-line centers around Carell’s character building an Ark, I nearly climaxed.

As you may know from my post on The Reaping, I’m a big fan of using biblical events as gimmicks for films (I’m pretty sure God would have used CGI to write the Bible if the technology had been available at the time). And the story of Noah building a giant Ark purely on speculation of a possible flood is really one of the best stories in that whole book. What’s more, the idea of bringing that story back to life in modern times (and with the comedic slant that’s implied in the story anyways), well, that’s nothing short of genius.

It does concern me a little that the trailer makes the movie seem like a remake of The Santa Claus. However, I’m just going to ignore that fact and go SEE IT anyways. After all, if there’s one thing the story of Noah’s Ark taught us, it’s that we have to have faith in the creator.

Evan Almighty is rated PG and opens June 22. (Official Site)

I was able to score tickets to an advance screening of Waitress, so I get to do a review of an entire movie for you! The screening provided the viewers with small apple pies from a Manhattan bakery, and since the way to my heart is indeed through baked goods, it is somewhat difficult for me to be overly critical of this film. But I shall put my Homer Simpson-like love of pastries aside and review this film with an unbiased mind. You can read Julie’s review of the Waitress trailer and learn a bit about it’s tragic back-story here.

Keri Russell is Jenna, the titular waitress, and she gives the word ‘miserable’ a whole new definition. She’s trapped in a boring southern town, working as a waitress at a diner, and married to a man she no longer loves (played with the perfect blend of pathetic and horse’s ass by Jeremy Sisto). Then, to add insult to injury, she’s pregnant. The pregnancy is unplanned and very much unwanted (Jenna had actually vowed to stop sleeping with her husband, he had to get her liquored up to do the deed). The only solace in Jenna’s life is her pies. She is revered as a sort of Michelangelo of pies in her town and finds comfort in inventing new pie recipes that coincide with whatever is going on in her life at the moment (which is how they get names like ‘I Hate My Husband Pie’ and ‘Bad Baby Pie’). Her dream is to take first place at an upcoming pie contest, collect the $25,000 prize money, get the hell out of Dodge, and open up her own pie shop somewhere far, far away.

While her plan seems simple enough, it’s anything but.

Click here to continue reading Waitress..Mmm…Pie.

Spring has finally arrived in New York City, which means that it’s time for the Tribeca Film Festival! If you live in or around NYC, this two-week event is not to be missed. Neighborhood movie theatres open their doors to big, blockbuster premieres (such as Spider-Man 3) and indies hoping to find a distributor. (Transamerica and Air Guitar Nation both found audiences at past TFFs.) Best of all, most events are open to the public for an $18 ticket.

Two years ago, Jen and I saw a live-action version of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs that was originally shot in German but had been dubbed in English. The movie was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen, and the entire cast had flown from Germany for the screening. You just don’t get that in Iowa.

Check out picks and daily coverage from New York magazine. Fly Away Cafe has a list of free festival events. And of course, don’t forget the Festival’s official site for synopses on all 150-plus movies.

Another day, another new blog habit. Today is the launch of Vulture, the new culture blog from editors at nymag.com. Considering how addictive nymag’s Daily Intel and Grub Street blogs are, Vulture is a sure thing. In the editors’ own words, “The day that J.K. Rowling, David Chase, and Timbaland announce they’re co-writing a Broadway musical — with Wes Anderson directing and Matthew Barney designing the sets — is the day Vulture will ascend into blog heaven.”

And we’ll be right there with them.

Click here for Vulture.

The Nanny Diaries was originally scheduled to open this weekend, but instead MGM decided to move the movie to September to better position it for the Golden Globes. What’s left to open this weekend? A bunch of movies aimed at guys and one really awful chick flick.

Fracture: As Tal wrote back in February: Hopkins and Gosling? ‘Nuff said. Anthony Hopkins is accused of murdering his wife and Ryan Gosling is the hotshot District Attorney sent to put him away. Gosling’s character discovers that the case isn’t as open-and-shut as he’d thought, and then things start to get interesting. Ryan Gosling’s career is on fire right now, and you can’t go wrong with Hopkins’ chilling stare. SEE IT.

Hot Fuzz: Did you ever notice how when an English person says something funny, it’s even funnier? Hot Fuzz would be funny set in any country, but add British humor to the mix and it looks downright hilarious. A big city cop is reassigned to Podunk, UK, and he must lead the small town cops. There is something fishy about this town, though, and City Slicker cop sets out to investigate. As the trailer says, this one is “brought to you by the guys who watched every action movie ever made.” RENT IT.

In the Land of Women: The official site for this film is myspace.com/itlow, and that’s just stupid. Really. First off, not every film is meant to be promoted on MySpace. Secondly, itlow? (I get that it’s an acronym, but itlow is still lame-o.) That was the best they could come up with? Anyhoo, In the Land of Women stars Seth Cohen, oops, I mean Adam Brody, as a dumped guy who somehow meets Meg Ryan and starts dating her young daughter, played by Kristen Stewart of Panic Room. With a title like that, the film is obviously aiming at women. As a woman, I say yuck–and I love a good chick flick. SKIP IT.

Vacancy: I’ll admit that I really don’t like horror films, so it is hard for me to be impartial here. Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsale that are stranded and check into a motel for the night, and then realize that all the room’s previous occupants have died horrible deaths. It seems like these two bonafide movie stars have wandered into a movie that should be starring Chad Michael Murray and Sarah Michelle Gellar. SKIP IT.

I get frustrated sometimes when I see the people that we choose to “celebrate” in our society. It’s sad to know that the next album Britney Spears puts out will probably go platinum, and yet there are so many talented musicians out there who can’t even get a record contract. And it’s depressing to know that Nicolas Cage’s new movie will probably gross a couple hundred million, and yet so many really good actors are out doing off-Broadway plays, struggling to even get noticed.

But then every once in a while, miraculously, we seem to get it right. Every once in a while, we celebrate people because they’re talented and not just because they’re, well, celebrities. And every once in a while, you see a celebrity who actually seem like they’d be a nice person in real life and not a jackass.

That was my first thought when I saw the preview for The Ex. It gives me a warm fuzzy feeling to know that a movie starring Zach Braff, Jason Bateman, and Amanda Peet will probably be a huge success. If I had to make a list of the top ten celebrities I’d most like to hang out with, those three would all be on that list.

So yeah, The Ex is definitely a SEE IT for me. With three of my favorite actors and a trailer that makes the movie look hilarious, I don’t really see a whole lot of downside. Plus, there’s nothing I love more than some good wheelchair humor. I mean, if we can’t make fun of crippled people, who can we make fun of? Am I right? Anyone? OK, maybe not.

The Ex is rated PG-13 and opens May 11. (Official Site)

The fact that there are people in Hollywood still green lighting projects like Underdog is what makes me fear for the future of movies. I wish I could have been an observer of the thought process that went into this film. I imagine it went something like this:

Big Hollywood Executive: “Let’s see…we need to come up with the next big family-friendly movie…but let’s ignore the example of successful family film franchises like Harry Potter, Shrek, and the Pixar films and do something totally asinine. Let’s make a movie based off a moderately popular 1960’s cartoon, about a superhero dog, that very few people remember anymore. But it won’t be a cartoon; it’ll be live action! And instead of using an animated dog, we’ll computer animate a real dog so it looks like it’s flying and talking! Never mind that this dog looks nothing like the dog from the cartoon, the American public is obviously too stupid to notice. And instead of finding a voice actor who can recreate the voice of the original Underdog (because his voice is really the most memorable part of the cartoon), let’s get Jason Lee to do the voice in his usual smarmy way. It worked so well for his characters in the Kevin Smith movies, why wouldn’t it work here? Yes, of course Kevin Smith’s films are only for adults, so kids probably have no idea who Jason Lee is, but who cares? It’s a movie about a dog. Who flies! And talks! Why should I put any more thought into a movie that’s for children? Kids will watch anything! This project is a go! Now I’m going to play a round of golf, call me when it’s time for the wrap party.”

SKIP IT. Burn it. Put it in a sack and toss it in the river. Because as long as people are willing to spend money to see movies like this, Hollywood will continue to make them. And the future of family films deserves better than that.

Underdog is rated PG and opens August 3. (Official site)